Matsuda, You Idiot!
by Abbey Mae
Summary: Can Matsuda bake a cake for L? No! Is he going to try anyway? Yeah! Watch as Matsuda's attempts to handle Watari's job for the day yield hilarious consequences.


AN: Just a quick update, no big deal. Almost totally forgot to give my brother credit for helping me out with the fic and editing and stuff. If it weren't for him, Aizawa would have no lines. So be thankful. Be VERY thankful.

* * *

Artificial lighting emanated from the computer, illuminating the main room of the Task Force building with an eerie glow as Matsuda watched L carefully study the (blank) central screen. All was quiet but for the _tap-tap _of keyboards as Light, Soichiro, and Aizawa diligently worked to find new leads for the Kira case. How they could work so hard so early in the morning, Matsuda had no idea. He himself was about to fall asleep.

Yet, even in his drowsy state, Matsuda sensed that something was missing…

As if reading Matsuda's thoughts, L broke the silence, speaking to the room in general without losing his focus on the computer screen.

"You might notice that Watari is absent today."

"Yeah," Matsuda chimed in. L closed his eyes for a moment. Why did L seem to become annoyed at the very sound of Matsuda's voice? He hadn't done anything wrong…

Trying to cover the newfound, rather awful feeling in the back of his stomach, Matsuda laughed nervously. "Actually, I was just thinking that, Ryuzaki. Where did he go, anyway?"

A cold and succinct response: "That information is classified."

"Oh." Another nervous laugh from Matsuda. "Sorry I asked."

"In any case," L continued, ignoring Matsuda's apology, "it would seem that, without Watari's assistance, I am unable to truly focus on the Kira case. Obviously, someone else will have to handle Watari's job until he returns tomorrow morning."

All of the members of the Task Force looked at one another. L continued.

"It won't be too entirely difficult. Mainly, one of you will have to provide me with some form of sustenance for the day." One of L's hands reached for a piece of candy that wasn't there. "It would also be preferable if this was done quickly."

Silence from the Task Force. Matsuda considered. The job didn't sound all that difficult, and if he pulled it off effectively enough…

"Well?" L's eyes finally tore themselves from the screen and glanced at the various members of the Task Force. A long moment of stillness. Nobody spoke or moved. Then finally—

"Uh, I'll do it," Matsuda stammered, raising his hand hesitantly.

Everyone's eyes snapped to meet Matsuda's. The sudden pressure didn't help his nerves at all, and he laughed to hide his irrational unease.

"No, really," Matsuda said, his voice becoming slightly more confident.

L seemed to carefully consider the idea. If L said that Matsuda couldn't even do this, what was the use of him working here?

"Very well," L broke the silence. "Thank you for volunteering." He delicately held out a piece of paper, which Matsuda took. "The following is a list of the things you will need to buy, and this" – L gave Matsuda another paper – "is a recipe that you will diligently follow."

"I'll take care of it," Matsuda said. "You won't have to worry about your cake when Touta Matsuda is on the case!"

L sighed. "Yes… very well. Now then, please hurry, Matsuda. I am rather hungry."

"Alright. I'm on my way," Matsuda said.

Perhaps, Matsuda thought to himself as he left the Task Force building, this would be his chance to prove himself as a worthy member of the Task Force…

"Well," L muttered to himself, "that should keep Matsuda busy for awhile…"

* * *

Wh-what? What is this?

An entire _cake_, just for L?

Well, that's what it looked like to Matsuda as he scanned over the recipe and the ingredients. White sugar, butter, eggs, cake flour, milk, baking powder, vanilla extract, vanilla frosting, strawberries, strawberry gelatin, strawberry puree… Definitely looked like a cake.

Matsuda wondered briefly if he could just go to the local bakery instead of the grocery store he was currently in and buy a strawberry cake, but immediately the image of L's scornful face invaded his mind.

He'd surely say something like, "The fact that you got back so quickly, and, for that matter, the sub-par taste of the cake, suggests to me that you simply went to the bakery and bought a cake, instead of following the instructions I trusted you to follow." Then everyone would glare at him and say, "Matsuda, you idiot! You can't even bake a cake!" and Matsuda would just laugh and apologize for his inability to do such a simple task…

_Relax, Matsuda_, he thought to himself, _it's just a cake. Anyone can bake a cake. It's easy._

Still, though, Matsuda considered as he collected the various ingredients he needed and placed them in his shopping cart, a whole cake just for one person? Could someone even stand to eat that much? Sure, cake might be delicious, but the thought of eating an entire cake in a day made Matsuda more than a little nauseous.

* * *

With all of the items in his shopping cart, Matsuda made his way to the counter.

"Having dinner guests or something, sir?" asked the cashier as he scanned Matsuda's items.

"Ahahaha. Yeah. They're all cake-crazy," replied Matsuda, making his way out of the store with everything he needed.

* * *

The Task Force's kitchen looked like an average kitchen. Except, of course, for the fact that everything in it was of the latest technology. Matsuda ignored most of the hi-tech appliances, though, instead making his way to the oven.

Step 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Easy enough. Matsuda turned the dial to 350, and the oven _dinged _in response.

Step 2. Grease and flour two nine-inch cake pans.

Two nine-inch cake pans…Hmm…

_If I were a cake pan… where would I be? _Matsuda wondered, checking the cabinets. No cake pan in this cabinet, or this one… or this one… or this one.

Damn! There weren't any cake pans in this kitchen! Matsuda sighed. It looked like he would have to go back to the store. He hoped no one at the store would remember him and think, _Ha! That guy didn't even think to buy cake pans to bake a cake! What an idiot!_

Well, he _did _have to go get those cake pans…

Matsuda left the kitchen, already far away when another *_ding!* _sounded from the kitchen, indicating that the oven had been fully heated…

* * *

Alright… Sneaking past L shouldn't be too difficult. After all, he wasn't about to let L know that he forgot anything.

Suddenly, Light stood up. Matsuda ducked. Had Light noticed him?

"Hey, Ryuzaki, check this out."

"Hm?"

Carefully, Matsuda looked up again. L was paying no attention to anything except the new lead Light had apparently found.

Aizawa, too, walked up to the computer screen. "What is it, Light?"

Now was his chance.

Matsuda quickly tiptoed across the room while Light answered Aizawa's question.

"I see another link indicating the Yotsuba group that…"

His voice was instantly muffled as Matsuda shut the door.

* * *

Unfortunately, sneaking back in wasn't that easy. He had to pick the right moment to open the door or else face the consequences. However, in a rare moment of foresight, he had bought something in addition to the cake pans as a cover story.

_Well, here goes…_

This time, the door opened with a _creeeeaaaak. _Not a good sign.

"Matsuda, what are you doing?"

Everybody was looking at him again, standing in the doorway with a shopping bag in his hand.

"Oh! I was just… uh… taking a break from making the cake. I wanted to go and… get the new issue of MisaMisa's magazine!" Matsuda said, pulling the magazine out of the bag.

"And what else is in the bag?" L asked, sounding uninterested.

"Uhhh…" He hadn't thought of that one. "So I hear Light's found a new lead on the Kira case!"

"Oh?" L said, thumb at his mouth, thinking for a second. "Oh, yes, he has. Why don't you show him, Light?"

"Uh, thanks, but not right now!" Matsuda said, panicking slightly. "I have to get upstairs and finish that cake for you!"

And so he ran up the stairs, tripping once over his own feet.

* * *

A rather disgusting smell intruded Matsuda's nostrils as he walked back towards the kitchen. It smelled like smoke… almost like there was a…

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

He'd forgotten to turn off the oven!

Matsuda sprinted towards the kitchen, taking off his suit jacket as he ran, the cake pans and magazine falling to the ground with a clatter. He threw open the kitchen door – fire – his face was illuminated with shades of orange and yellow – he switched the dial to the OFF setting, ignoring the painful burn – he flung his suit jacket onto the flames to put it out but the fire continued to burn despite the suit jacket –

"The fire extinguisher!" Matsuda exclaimed. "Where is it?"

He tore open cabinets and doors, desperately – there it was – he picked it up, aimed, and pushed the lever –

"Ah!" The white vaporous substance billowed out and extinguished the fire, leaving behind a trail of smoke (which quickly disappeared) and… a mess. The oven was off but still hot, and Matsuda's suit jacket was completely ruined.

Matsuda took a few deep breaths, sweeping his singed hair out of his eyes, and tried to see the silver lining. "Well… I guess… nobody's dead yet. Hahaha…."

Even so, he couldn't help but picture L saying to him, "Matsuda... you idiot!" as he used some rags to clean the kitchen. But he wouldn't let L say that to him again. He would be diligent.

Matsuda scanned the recipe, making sure everything he needed was in the kitchen this time – Two bowls, a spoon for mixing, the cake pans, wire racks, and all of the foodstuffs necessary – Alright, everything accounted for.

Step 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Done.

Step 2. Grease and flour two nine-inch cake pans. Okay… done.

Step 3. In a large bowl, cream together the 1 cup softened butter, 2 cups sugar and 1 package dry strawberry gelatin until light and fluffy.

Butter, sugar, and dry gelatin… the bowl… and the spoon to mix. Done.

Step 4. Beat in 4 eggs one at a time, mixing well after each.

Done without a hitch. Matsuda wondered how delicious this cake would be. He probably wouldn't be allowed to eat it, though.

Step 5. Combine 2 ¾ cups flour and 2 ½ teaspoons baking powder; stir into the batter alternatively with 1 cup whole milk.

Alternatively with the milk… does that mean together, or a little bit of the flour, then a little bit of the milk? Hmm… he guessed it meant to put them in a little at a time. It didn't matter too much, though, he supposed…

…Done. This wasn't so bad. Matsuda laughed easily, enjoying himself.

Step 6. Blend in vanilla and strawberry puree.

This was the last step before baking the cake. He was almost finished.

And… done.

But wait a moment. It didn't look as though it had been mixed very well. In some places, the batter was a dark pink, but in other places it was almost white. It probably wouldn't create a very delicious cake, looking like that.

There had to be a beater around here somewhere… For the third time today, Matsuda searched through the cabinets.

Oh! There it was. Matsuda took the beater out, plugged it in, put it in the cake batter, and set it to the highest setting.

_Whirrrrrrrrrr!_

The beater mixed with unprecedented speed and force, flinging bits of the cake batter at Matsuda, at the walls, at the floor and the ceiling –

Matsuda struggled to hang on –

"AHHHH!" Matsuda screamed, falling forward, his jaw hitting the kitchen floor with a painful _thud_.

_Whirrrrrrrrr!_

Above him, the beater was utterly destroying the cake batter, scattering it throughout the kitchen. Matsuda pushed himself off of the ground and reached for the power cord to pull it out, but instead screamed as his foot made contact with scattered cake batter, causing him to fall to the ground once again. The bowl of batter, meanwhile, was knocked into the air by the awry beater, landing directly on Matsuda's head.

_Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr—rrr—rrrr…rrr…rrrrrr…. _

Someone had turned the machine off.

"Huh?" Matsuda looked up, taking the bowl off of his head to see who had turned it off, only to find L standing there, listless as always, with the power cord between his fingers.

How horribly L must think of Matsuda, to see the state of the room, ruined, some counters burnt, others covered in the cake batter, Matsuda blending in perfectly with his singed, batter-covered hair… This entire day was going terribly wrong…

But upon closer examination, Matsuda noticed that L was actually smiling.

"Perhaps you require some help, Matsuda?"

"Uh, yeah," Matsuda said, standing up awkwardly. "That… would be great… haha…"

L sighed, and started cleaning up, still smiling. "Matsuda, you idiot…"

Somehow, though, Matsuda detected a note of humor in L's voice.

The cake turned out to be quite delicious.


End file.
